Things you'll never hear on Xmen: Evolution
by Kisha-Ra
Summary: Just another bit of random sillyness. Caution! the following content is humour and should not be taken seriously.
1. Chapter 1

Things you'll never hear on X-men evolution.

Yes it's another silly list. Suggestions are welcomed.

Scott: let's all use our powers in public for the hell of it!

Jean: I'm not going to die. I don't want to make the same mistakes as my alternates

Rogue: I'm not gonna pity myself today

Professor X: can I borrow a fiver? I'm broke.

Boom boom: explosions are for losers!

Beast: I don't understand science

Scott: not another DR session, I wanna go destroy the town

Magneto: everyone take the day off, I have to attend a pacifist meeting

Wolverine: Sabertooth? What about him? I don't have to bring my personal vendettas to work.

Alex: Scott, I always hated you, you used to steal my dollies!


	2. Chapter 2

Things you'll never hear on X-men evolution.

Kitty: you guys are right, my cooking does suck, I'm gonna stop making muffins.

Scott: Jean, we've known each other years so… um, let's just be friends okay.

Professor X: let's just face it. Humans hate us.

Kurt: my accent is so fake. I should really fire my voice actor.

Rogue: Heehee, I put a frog in Scott's bed.

Boom boom: my hair looks so screwed up.

Toad: Eww! Flies are gross.

Blob: I'm not hungry.

Jubilee: I know exactly what I want in this shop, I'll only be a minute.

Magneto: I love humans!


	3. Chapter 3

Things you'll never hear on X-men evolution.

Another page of insanity!

Professor X: Reading people's minds without permission would be a violation of privacy. I'd never do that.

Wolverine: I can go a whole day without attacking anyone.

Storm: I'm sure manipulating the weather this way causes droughts in other countries but what the hell.

Kitty: I hate pink.

Pyro: I wanna go swimming.

Jean: of course this isn't my real colour.

Scott: actually I can control my powers, I just like wearing shades.

Pietro: A date? Not tonight.

Mystique: I understand how my kids feel, after all I did abandon Kurt and manipulate Rogue for my own gain.

Rogue: I look like corpse. I'm going to wash of this make up.


	4. Chapter 4

Things you'll never hear on X-men evolution.

Way-hey! Another ten pieces of random insanity. Oh and I forgot to plug the forum earlier, so remember to visit the X-men evolution RPG and join us. If you have any interest in it that is.

Kitty: I've just realized how brainless I sound saying 'like' every third word. Why didn't you guys ever tell me?

Any new mutant: Hey Jamie, wanna hang out with us?

Sabertooth: Hey who took my hairbrush?

Scott: I hate my car, that's why I'm always trying to get it destroyed.

Lance: I'm afraid of earthquakes.

Professor X: I'm closing the institute and going into the fashion business, that's where the real money is.

Rogue: I like my powers.

Wolverine: Sorry Charles, I can't terrorise the kids this weekend. I'm going away with my boyfriend, Sabertooth. See ya on Monday.

Lance: Oh, I have holes in my jeans. I really should get a new pair.

Toad: I gotta go buy some soap and toothpaste yo.


	5. Chapter 5

Things you'll never hear on X-men evolution.

I forgot to disclaim at the beginning, so I expect you don't know that I do own X-men: Evolution. What? I don't? _Reads legal papers._ A thousand curses! Okay it seems I don't own X-men: Evolution after all. However I do own this by-product of my diseased imagination. Aren't you happy for me?

Scott: I'm leaving to join the brotherhood.

Rogue: since I have dangerous skin I'm going to get some clothes that don't rip so easily.

Professor X: Those uniforms have no practical purpose; I just like watching teens run round in spandex. (Okay, maybe that was a bit too off colour, even for me.)

Wolverine: Someone stole Mr Pootles! I can't sleep without my teddy!

Amara: OW! I burned myself.

Boom boom: Okay, admit it. I've been a kleptomaniac since I was a little kid, and I dragged my father into a life of crime.

Destiny: The future? I dunno.

Rhane: Meow.

Professor X: What am I, psychic? Never mind…

Storm: all these plants are fake. I really can't stand plants.


	6. Chapter 6

Things you'll never hear on X-men evolution.

Right most of this chapter is really stupid, but that never stopped me before. I know Greydon Creed never made it into evo, but my little sister really wanted to put it in.

Scott: Yeah well… I'm too sexy for my shirt!

Amara: Hey waiter! Where are the ice cubes?

Beast: I knew I shouldn't hold conical flasks with my feet. I broke them all.

Greydon Creed: Hey you guys! Guess what? My whole family are mutants.

Mystique: I need to get some fake beards and moustaches.

Wolverine: This hairdo makes me look like such a wally.

Magneto: I'm going to run for president.

Sabertooth: Oh a ball of wool!

Roberto: I'll get sunburned!

Professor X: I'm missing Sesame Street. Quick change the channel!


	7. Chapter 7

Things you'll never hear on X-men evolution.

More madness. If you have any suggestions now's the time people!

Colossus: I'm bigger than you and I don't wanna!

Jamie: so Mr. Bond, you've discovered my secret plan to take over the world. Now you must die! By the way here's the self-destruct button.

Jubilee: No I don't want to go shopping today.

Destiny: What'll happen in the future? Raven, I can't even remember what I did yesterday… Who are you?

Jean: Look Scott, I don't want to go out with you.

Professor X: I don't care about your problems.

Gambit: I'm not a player, I just don't want people to know I'm gay. Oh crap.

Roberto: Didn't you people learn from all that stuff in the comics about me liking Magnum PI? Making characters like what's cool at the time is a mistake. What? Oh I like Girls Aloud now? Okay then.

Sam: I should really be more careful. If I keep breaking stuff at this rate I'll still be paying for it out of my pension.

Bobby: It's too cold.


	8. Chapter 8

Things you'll never hear on X-men evolution.

Forge: Hey I invented something that won't go wrong.

Wolverine: okay, I know I drink too much. I should join AA.

Jean: Why don't I have a codename? I had a choice between Thinky, Big Head, and Brains. What would you do?

Bobby: I'm an X-man now and you aren't! Nyuh Nyuh!

Kurt: Screw my real parents. They gave me abandonment issues.

Rogue: go ahead Jean, read my mind all you want.

Beast: Damn you Logan! You always cheat when we play monopoly!

Scott: Screw you Jean! I'm going to the concert with Kurt! At least if I go with him I'll get there before the concert ends.

Gambit: Chess anyone? By the way when I won all that stuff off everyone in a poker game, it was because I cheated.

Jean: Hey Blob! Do you wanna go out for dinner, and a movie… and then maybe some breakfast?


	9. Chapter 9

Things you'll never hear on X-men evolution.

Wanda: Todd do you wanna go out with me?

Toad: Get lost Wanda you fat slut yo!

Professor X: Hank would you consider my request for multiple human hair transplantation? You see my head gets rather cold, and this wig is so itchy.

Professor X: Erik I'm really sorry about all this. You were right all along; mutants are superior in every way. I can't believe I deluded myself all these years.

Bobby: Hey Forge, can you invent some dohicky to take us back to asteroid M? Erm you see I kinda left my girlfriend there last week.

Kurt: Err no thanks kitty I don't think I want burgers f breakfast ever again in fact I think I will just have cereal _cough cough "To avoid food poisoning" cough cough_

Logan: Quick everyone into the X-van kitty's cooking us Sunday lunch!

Professor X: Why do I name everything the X something or another what about the Y mobile?

Kurt: I don't think I'll play any practical jokes today. In fact I will find out about the world of physics from this textbook: _Physics: bore of the world_

Logan: Forget Scott's shirt I'M TO SEXY FOR THIS WORLD!


	10. Chapter 10

Things you'll never hear on X-men evolution.

Storm: "sigh" I'm so board of growing these tropical plants, I think I might grow some leeks and potatoes.

Professor X: I'm afraid we can't afford the designer spandex uniforms we're just going to have to get the new ones from Ann Summers.

Kurt: Awwww professor you're so stingy with lunch money!

Professor X: Ooooh ok Kurt you can have this £50.

Apocalypse: Actually strictly speaking I'm not invincible that was just advertising!

Professor X: Ok kids lets just have take-away.

Anyone: Hey Apocalypse! Don't you want some mouth reduction surgery.

Wanda: Actually my hair is blonde; I just dye it black to stop people thinking I'm related to that Pietro.

Juggernaut: I am really just a little girl in a massive suit!

Any X-team member: Why are wearing all this spandex, have we no shame?


End file.
